.:The Puppet Show:.

From Darkness to Rainbows

2012-01-28T17:34:00.001Z

Personally I am fascinated with the amount of things a human being can be, or appreciate. The vast quantity of subjects that are dear to our hearts, no matter if they have any connection.

Being someone with so many interests, tastes, preferences, ideals, I found myself reading lots of articles and interviews about someone well known in the Black Metal scene, and I am sure loads of other people heard of him, even if that's because of his most famous statement: ...Satan!

So yes I am talking about the evil, trve icon Gaahl, Gorgoroth's former vocalist. I guess by now, everyone acquainted to the BM scene must know he revelead his Homosexuality. This is not new to me too, but I am very surprised with all the man said.

Not only he came up with this very naturally, refusing to say he "came out" justifying it with something as simple as "I just never felt in love before", he had kept a relationship with someone connected to the fashion scene in Norway, in which he got involved too, being the co-founder of the female clothing line Wynjo (means Joy/Happiness in ancient Norwegian).

Isn't this AWESOME? I honestly couldn't conceive this, not even in my wildest dreams, but I can't stop to be amazed by it. This restores all my faith in humanity, this just makes me want to live more and to know more about so many things. We are so vast and in constant evolution that it is, unarguably, impossible to close ourselves in our comfort zone. Who would imagine the scariest man alive, who lives isolated in the mountains, to be gay, and to create a female clothing line which name means happiness?

The more I know about people, the more I despise prejudice and judgemental thoughts, the more I want to open wide my eyes to everything around me and give it my soul to rejoice. I want to embrace the diversity and become part of it, live it, breathe it.

So to many people, Gaahl's revealing could be shocking, or disappointing, but to me it was a reason to admire him. I do not agree with a lot of his ideals, but I am glad he can be that free.

2012-01-26T00:31:00.000Z

Suspiro-te por olhares escondidos

entre as brumas que no meu peito cantam

os dias os os sonhos perdidos

quando os nossos olhos se encontram.

E quando vens, morro por um segundo,

de olhos e alma no chão prostrados!

Oh, quão lento é o rodar do mundo

dos sentimentos envergonhados,

Das horas cruéis da tua imagem

tão perto e tão etérea, sem poder tocar

Essas flores que crescem na margem

da tua sombra que tanto tempo passo a invejar.

No fim, um consolo pobre, um adeus

dos meus lábios colados sinto verter,

E tu, com a graça de um maior Deus,

Tu, meu amor, sorris sem saber.

23 ~

2012-01-20T00:34:00.000Z

Not getting younger, but hoping to get better on many things!

Fluuuuuu ~~

2012-01-08T22:55:00.000Z

3 days off! I didn't remember the feeling! But since there's always something to bother me, I am with the flu -__________- so basically I have been spending all time at home. I am on medicine already but the first thing I did when I woke up was to call mum, my personal doctor, and ask for advice xD I know nothing about pills and such, so mum had to save me this time.

I am working full time again, though the experience has been quite surprising because I actually do, truly, enjoy the place where I am working, aswell as all the people working with me, so it's paying off all the effort. Money is the nr 1 reason, but it really ehlps if you feel comfortable in your work environment. ^^"

I wasn't supposed to go out today but I had to go for the pills and all, so I stopped by FNAC and bought a super cheap book ! It's a small book about Celtic faith, with some information about Paganism, so I felt like I should buy it because I feel I always need to be a little more connected with the things I really believe in, so it's spiritually and culturally useful ^^!

I'll leave you with ALDIOUS (アルディアス), this awesome female, Japanese band which I have been listening to <3

Hey there, 2012!

2012-01-01T19:05:00.000Z

2011:

*Finally quit the job that made me insane!

*Turned into a permanent redhead.

*Moved to Porto, again.

*Created a Youtube Channel.

In 2012:

* Wish to be strong enough to face all the obstacles that will be coming.

* Be able to make long term plans, and fulfill them.

*Lots of health and strength to me and my dear ones <3. Love you all!

Unlike the previous years, I don't have many resolutions for 2012, or many things worth of registry in 2011, so I'll just wish everyone a new year full of success, strength and happiness !

This time the New Year's celebration was a little sad for me because I didn't spend it with my closer friends, but I want to thank the girls for being with me and for the nice moments. ^^!

To be honest I sense 2012 will be tough in most aspects of my life, but I'll stand up and face all the problems ! I must be ready for anything that comes, so I'll gather all the things that make me move forward and turn them into my motivation.

Le Pink Vodka. Strawberry flavoured!

P.S- I am possibly developing some kind of imunity to alcohol, because I drank: Red wine, Beer, Absinthe, Pink Vodka (that one was new to me, delicious, by the way) and Champagne and I never felt so sober in my life! o_o. Actually, it's not imunity, I just learnt how to drink like a boss without getting wasted #fuckyeah!

P.S 2 - Gonna start working full time from tomorrow on! Night shift, which means I won't have to wake up early EVER again! Wish me luck! Gambarimasu <3

Blogging from Home !

2011-12-25T23:18:00.001Z

After almost 4 months since I moved, I haven't visited home yet, so Xmas came with the opportunity to see my beloved family again! Sleeping next to mum, hugging dad, and play around with my brother...god I missed that. Sadly my sister isn't here but in the Netherlands with her boyfriend, I miss you Soraya <3!

I need to pack my stuff back 'cause I am leaving tomorrow morning x_________x! Strangely enough, I missed this place, even though it has been living hell last time I was here. I believe my home is where my family is, though I easily call home to any place.

The meeting with Erina was funny, since she was sort of mad at me in the first moments, but then we just got unseparable again, and it hurts really much to think I'll leave her again T__T. However, I intend to come back earlier, i.e, not in three months.

Christmas was ok, had the chance to see some family, but most important of all, I had the chance to be with those closer to my heart <3 I hope everyone's Christmas was as good as mine, and I wish lots of happiness and health to you all.

Love,

Ella

Empty Tides

2011-12-20T18:22:00.000Z

It's windy around here.

I guess the wind took my words away too.

Beneath the urge to unleash a storm of inspiration, lies the incapacity to let it out. I am patient, so I will wait.

Ja~

Shanghai Red

2011-12-09T22:38:00.000Z

I finally managed to dye my hair again *genuine joy*!!! I couldn't stand that lack of colour and those large roots anymore -_________- so I took some time today to give it the maintenance it needs! I used another brand, which also has a new denomination. I used to buy Ruby Red and now I'll be buying Shanghai Red <3

I don't have much to write about, I'll be back when I am inspired !

2011-12-04T14:00:00.001Z

Por ti, vou matar a poesia.

Vou calar todas as palavras do mundo,

os segredos, os contos, a fantasia

e esse cor de rosa que os rodeia, imundo.

Não vou mais cantar, nem versar.

Quero o silêncio de mim, mudo,

incolor, virgem no brotar

das dores neste corpo desnudo.

Desnudo de poemas de amor, enfeitados

de paixão e promessas vazias.

De quimeras e sonhos cantados

em páginas brancas, sem melodias.

Por isso, todas as prosas morrerão

em meus lábios e no meu ser,

matando a efémera ilusão

que nas tuas palavras decidiu nascer.

Ella

Living On My Own

2011-12-01T17:27:00.000Z

Hello everyone! I haven't had much things to write about despite the same old routine, so I don't want to sound repetitive.

Lately I have been missing old activities which were a constant in my life, just to make it a little less grey, but since the circumstances aren't poiting to that way (at least now) I guess I'll just keep my energy for future events.

Christmas is almost there and I am thrilled to get to see my family, but I sense that there's a great possibility of drama among other relatives with my arrival, and I really want to avoid that x____________x! But Christmas is about happy stuff and materialism *andhipocrisy*, so I am planning to purchase a professional microphone that will allow me to record properly because I just can't stand those shitty recordings anymore! It's frustrating to put effort in something that'll work out horribly! So maybe next year I can upload better stuff on my channel, this time with instrumentals with me singing the entire tracks, instead of samples. I'll probably divide the songs in genres since I want to explore my abilities! Obviously, some genres will be excluded because I just can't sing them, but my goal isn't to sing everything, just to do it well, and still being versatile.

Keeping the subject of music, lately I have been listening to a lot of Queen/Freddie Mercury songs and though I have never been but an average listener of the band, I decided to postone of my favourite songs ^^!

Ja~

Planning!~

2011-11-28T18:56:00.000Z

Since I don't party for so long, this year I want to plan an extraordinary Reveillon! It will take place at my house here in Porto and I want it to be remarkable! So, I'll spend the whole December thinking about it!

Meanwhile...

I need Tim€ !

x________________________________x

*Missing family and cats <3*

Recording!

2011-11-20T15:30:00.001Z

Finally I could record and update my youtube channel! I was really looking forward to do it, because I haven't sang for 2 months and it was time to try new things.

-Generoso Risvegliati O Core
-Sposa Non Mi Conosci
-Vedro Con Mio Diletto (full aria)

I already posted the videos on Youtube, so I hope you appreciate and help me with positive criticism! ^_^

Ella's Youtube Singing Channel

Alto Giove

2011-11-20T02:46:00.001Z

This is my song for tonight <3

Oyasumi ~

Photos!

2011-11-18T18:45:00.000Z

Today I decided to share some pics of my house, so the curious lot out there can see the (in)famous place!

The living room! Little sofa and lots of uncomfortable chairs!

Kitchen!

The Entrance to Darkness...!

The Big Bathroom with a nice mirror and lights!


My room! Guess what bed is my bed xD

This weekend, I'll have the whole place to myself and I'm thinking about unleashing the demon inside my throat and try some new operatic stuff! Too bad I am working tomorrow morning D:

PS- I miss my parents, my siblings and my cats <3 I hope I can surprise them soon...!

Not Enjoying The Silence!

2011-11-13T12:21:00.000Z

Since I moved my throat has been silent, and it really starts to urge on me, a huge will to try some new stuff! Somehow, I don't feel very comfortable doing any practice while the girls are at home (what a surprise -__-) and it seems like I'll never get a couple of hours on my own to do it. T__T!

I'd like to do some better recordings, and also keep the daily practice so I don't have to struggle again to do this or that! There are so many things I want to try, so many different approaches, becoming more flexible *sigh*!

*****************************

Christmas is coming, and I usually never have wishlists, but I've seen something I really want and maybe I'd appreciate is a Christmas gift :

Cecilia Bartoli's Sacrificium: The Art Ofhe Castrati DVD

*_________*

Probably, I'll get my hands on that treasure before Christmas!!!

The Art of Being a (Real) Woman !

2011-10-28T01:58:00.000+01:00

Managing the art of being an authentic woman is a subject I've been exploring with myself and with my partner in crime Maeve Desrosiers, for I believe this is a too arguable matter, and I might get misunderstood by most people.

Historically, women have been noticed exactly for being unnoticed in the most various aspects; being treated like slaves, underestimating their inteligence and talents, the total submission to men's will and desires and the list surely goes on... The thing is that now a days, the female species don't face these things anymore, at least in some places in the world. I am totally for the emancipation and freedom of choice but I believe most women are not yet ready to show themselves as they really are, or want to be: equal to men.

In my humble opinion, as a young girl entering adulthood, I think some methods tend work in a reverse way, i.e, either most women accept being totally exploited (mainly sexually) in order to show the world they're not afraid to show themselves as they are, or in the opposite case, to be truly man/boy-ish to prove men, they are not the weak sex. Actually I don't think both things are helpful, they simple show off the lack of confidence that still lives in most of them.

I've been told many times I am not a girly girl myself, either it is because I curse, or simply because I just don't act like a princess all the time. Well, to me, before being labeled as a gender, I'd rather keep my personality as it really is and live by my own values and beliefs, which are usually applied on my daily routine. I do not accept to be questioned by my choices and my independence is my most precious treasure, so I always speak openly about my thoughts, even if it is not too feminine to do it.

I am also not really fond of excessive girl power pride, for, in my eyes, it feeds what women have been fighting for centuries. Acting naturally, respecting your essence as a person, which is obviously influenced by your gender, and open your mind to true equality is the key to break all the prejudice! That is the most efficient way to reach the true emancipation, to believey ou don't need to prove it.

Not to mention the pressure to have the "perfect" body, which is most girls main goal, allowing them to use their most effective weapon to defeat the alpha male! It is ridiculous how this society has become, selling sexual symbols as the ultimate idols, encouraging girls to become obssessed with their bodies. I am all for beauty and self love, but to be really beautiful you have to accept yourself as you are and make the true beauty come out, and it doesn't matter if you're tall, short, fat or thin!

I never thought I was less of a woman for not standing for feminist ideals, or on the contrary, for not supporting stupid and silly doll-like behaviour, or even to be a little male-ish in some people's eyes. The middle term is still almost unexistent in this matter,and I am really sorry for that, because sometimes I believe women are underestimating themselves now, accepting things they would not if they really believed to share the same rights of men.

Just be yourself and don't even consider the idea of having to prove your emancipation,we're all humans and our instincts are basically the same, except a couple of particular (physical, emotional, psycological) features that actually differ from both genders, so why bother exposing ourselves, when we actually don't need to do it to be independent? If females want to bee seen, treated and respected as men, they have to look at their innerselves and see it, if they do, no proof will be necessary, it will become naturally obvious.

Sunday Update!

2011-10-23T13:32:00.000+01:00

Good Morning Everyone!

It's really not me to be so absent, but I barely come online now, so it's harder to keep this place updated .

In the morning I'm working part time, tasting the joys of having almost all day to myself, and still make money without going crazy, and in the afternoon/evening I still have time to spend with my friends <3!

Step by step I am trying to build my life by myself, no matter how bad is this country's situation (believe me, it's really bad) I do not intend to cross my arms and be crushed by this chaos, so I know I'll have to fight harder so I can make it ! ! ! I strongly believe something will make me jump forward, aswell as those beside me, so I'll keep the faith .

Meanwhile, I might return to some activities that have been on hiatus, so I can't wait to start working on it again ^^!

In other matters, I'd like to introduce you to Mia, the sweet little cat who shares the house with me and the girls, the sixth female in this home (beware, beware xD) ! ! ! She's all tenderness and sweetness but completely obssessed with food -____-" so if you want to have a quiet meal, she can't be around. Today she's the one keeping me company, since everyone went home for the weekend.
I am so sorry my dearest and most missed Erina didn't get along with them all T___T. I miss her terribly and it hurts me a lot to be so far away from her, I can't wait to see her again *sheds a tear*

Well, I must be off 'cause I still have somethings to do before I leave to meet the gang!

~Ja ne~

Versailles @ Madrid & Ella @ Porto !

2011-10-09T12:40:00.000+01:00

Every single day I think about writing here, but everytime I try to, there's something else for me to do!

There are so many feelings, thoughts, impressions and experiences I'd love to share ! ! ! Since I moved, my mood and spirit have been so different and lighter it's even hard to believe <3

Last tuesday, the 5 of us flew to Madrid, as Versailles Philharmonic Quintet ~ PT Street Team, to see the band live and to support them as an ST and it was marvelous! I only had the opportunity to witness their awesome performance in 2009, at the V-Rock Festival in Japan, but it was a short show so I was really excited to watch them this time!

Despite the hysterical audience full of teens with jumping hormones ready to be released, and the poor sound, Versailles were nothing but majestic *__* My favourite part was when they played DESTINY - the Lovers- and I confess I almost shed a tear, 'cause it's one of my favourite songs and I always get a lil emotional when I listen to it, so now that I could watch them play it live, it was really overwhelming <3

Being with Versailles personally was also a very nice experience, since we had the chance to talk to them after the Meet&Greet to show our true support and dedication! We ended up with a picture and lots of hugs! They really are amazing ^^ I also want to thank Mayumi, and the Staff guy who welcomed us when we arrived at the venue! Last but not least, congratulations for the Spanish ST who worked a lot and made all efforts necessary to organize the audience.

Apart from the concert itself we had a lot of fun, walking like crazy in the subway, airport and outside! It was a much needed break in our daily routines, also because it allows us to still keep in touch with the activities we are related to as Visual Jam, and of course, as individuals. It's work too, but it´s driven by passion <3

Talking about work, I already started my new job, which is almost the same as the old one, but it's a part time job and the income is quite decent, so I hope I can stick to it and keep my place there!
I am already used to my new house and the girls who share it with me and I am truly enjoying being here for various reasons. I am still close to my gang's house so I couldnt have found a better place to live !

I think the girls are not scared of me anymore xDDDD and we all manage to get along pretty well despite the differences. This is not something new to me, but it's always challenging so, gladly I easily adapt myself to most places/people.

I guess it's all for now ~~ baibai everyone~~

We Are Versailles!

2011-10-01T14:11:00.002+01:00

I, seriously, can't wait!

Short Updating

2011-09-18T01:59:00.000+01:00

So it's been a week since I moved, and I have been utterly busy!

I am, truly, enjoying my new house and mates (already started to do their hairs ehehehe).

Gotta rest, for from Monday on, it's gonna be tough x_x

But I am happy, and feeling much better.

<3

P.S -So now I have another cat child!
Erina and Ludo are mine "biologically" xD and I had Nice as a nephew, but now I got Mia as mine too xD

...and BACK!!!

2011-09-11T21:42:00.000+01:00

Yes, Erina made me come back home to get her to HER house!

She hated the place, the people, Mia (the cute and little baby cat), and was acting really scary towards everyone!!

So, like a mother who spoils her child like no other, I woke up at 7 a.m (ON A SUNDAY!!! >_<) and brought her back!

I know we're gonna miss each other terribly, but this is the only way.

I tend to visit regularly so I hope you barely feel my absence.

I love you Erina <3

Poetic Justice?

2011-09-09T00:40:00.000+01:00

Probably this is the hardest entry ever! I want to write about so many things I don't even know where to start. Basically, the matters are of mainly my personal interest, though there are always a lot of people involved, in a good way, of course.

A good start would be the fact that I am actually moving tomorrow, back to Porto, where I left two years ago after dropping college. The reasons? I have too many reasons to count, but the main one is that I know, for now, I'll never be happy in the place I am, in this particular situation, so I thought it was time to change.

It would be a lie, and almost offensive thing, if I'd say that fact that my best friends moved there too wasn't a big reason, however this is meant to be a most individual change, the start of something new.

Maybe most people around me would think I was weak, quitting my "stable" job, being unpatient and being totally led by emotions too intensely. Maybe, they think I am childish and I should give this life here a try, and I would end up seeing this was the good thing. Maybe.
But I don't care.
I do care about my feelings, the way I face life and what influences it.

My stuff !!! Erina's going too!!!

I just couldn't stand working in a place I hate, where I made, few (or almost none) friends or at least reliable people that actually took me seriously. I couldn't live in a place that has no meaning for me, where the best part of my days were gone, where I felt alone. Where there was nothing more left for me. Where I almost lost my mental sanity...

But since life is always testing us, like I refered here, during this time, while I decided to pause my decisions on life, I had some pleasing experiences that would make me question my will, if it wasn't so strong.
I had the chance to meet old friends, get closer to my parents/siblings which is something good since I get along with them pretty well.
I could dedicate myself to my greatest passion, I could relax, meditate and, day by day, regain my soul again.

Now that I feel I can think in a more coherent way, moving to Porto won't make me lose all those things above, but if my decision wasn't serious, it was perfectly enough to, at least, postpone this.
This is an awakening, I believe, a whole new chapter waiting to be written and lived by me and those surrounding (those in my heart, to be more precise)

I am grateful to many people, and I know they know who they are <3

And that's it guys, next time I blog, I'll surely bring a lot of news, and I hope them to be good and fun., but if it depends only on me, I'm sure I'll bring you good news.

For those who already know me, I feel I am back to my own self

\\(^_^)// ! ! !

For those who are yet to know me...

God help you xDDDD j*k

Mata ne !!!

Linha de Cinzas

2011-09-06T02:30:00.002+01:00

Era como se o vento lhe dedilhasse os fios de cabelo, como carícias na nuca arrepiada.

As mãos no colo, e os olhos prostrados naquele horizonte cinza e turvo, sem qualquer visão do amanha, porque é o hoje que lhe pesa nos ombros direitos, mas pesados.

Os olhos, que revelam todos os segredos no silêncio da voz, fitam para além do mar que se apresenta, desafiando o coração, mas o vento continua a sussurrar-lhe canções lentas e a acariciar-lhe os cabelos desalinhados.

E perante o silêncio sepulcral da pureza que a rodeia, irrompe num choro mais honesto que qualquer palavra.

Um pranto de sinceridade, de aceitação, um pranto que lhe faz abrir os lábios febris num sorriso demente, onde não há alegria nem tristeza.

As mãos continuam no colo, e o corpo ,imóvel, acompanha apenas a convulsão das lágrimas que caem livremente sem que sejam limpas ou contidas.

A frágil linha de cinzas entre o céu e o mar.

Quem ,e o que, lhe espera por trás daquele traço onde tantos sonhos habitam?

Testing, Testing!

2011-09-04T15:50:00.001+01:00

It's funny how life is really a Puppet Show and leads you to what's meant to be, but it really needs to make sure you want to cooperate.

I believe there are somethings we can't change, and when facing destiny, life tests you to your limits.

I have been feeling tested with various experiences, since the sudden decision/oportunity came to me.

All those things, good things, I must say are only but a materialized way to ask me:

Do you really want to do this?

My answer is:

Yes, naturally, but thanks for all the situations who might have caused me second thoughts.

I enjoyed them, and I am sure I am going to miss them, truly, but I know what I have and want to do.

I already know part of my path.

Son qual nave ch'agitata ~

2011-09-02T02:47:00.000+01:00

I can't stop listening to this x_______________________x

4:55 - 5:10 - It's so flawless, it scares me!! (Yeah I know there are two voices mixed, but who cares?)

Son qual nave ch’agitata
da più scogli in mezzo all’onde
si confonde e spaventata
va solcando in alto mar.
Ma in veder l’amato lido
lascia l’onde e il vento infidoe va in porto a riposar.

But sometimes I, too, feel like a ship, agitated because of the rocks in the middle of the waves.

Confused and scared,I keep on going until I see my beloved beach and leave the waves and the wind to rest in the shore.

I just feel familiar with the whole thing!

*I'm so delighted with this, I can even manage to sing some bits*

Ashita wa ashita no kaze ga fuku ! ! !

2011-08-29T16:46:00.000+01:00

So each day is a new day and many things can come with it!

Once more: no plans, just decide what's the best in/at the moment.

I feel like sighing of relief, but I'm also anxious at the same time.

Things are going out fine, they have to.

My conscience is my master and I believe I'll be faithfull to it.

Sorry the nonsense writing, afterall my brain and spirit have been a f*cking rollercoaster, lately ! ! !

Losing my mind...

2011-08-28T19:03:00.000+01:00

...and releasing my voice,

Ella Youtube Channel

May the Gods help me!

So, yes...!

2011-08-27T18:34:00.000+01:00

...

Ti Voglio Bene, Castrato Mio!

2011-08-25T16:26:00.000+01:00

I bought it, and read it like I was tasting one of the most overwhelming sensations one can ever experience.

I wish I could have lived to witness this.

Maeve Dear....!

2011-08-19T01:24:00.004+01:00

~ Green Splendour Era ~

Bloody Blogger wouldn't let me post on the right day, but just so you know that I love you and I am more than thrilled to share another year of your life by your side <3

<3 Tanjoubi Omedetou <3

18/08/2011

Oh and just for fun...and for us xD!

Purging !

2011-08-15T15:20:00.006+01:00

Lately I have been doing major cleanings, not only in my personal stuff (oh Lord, you just have no idea of how much shit I had -___________-) but in the whole house.
Endless bags, full of pure, useless rubbish!

When it's time to clean and select I am not really mercyful, so sometimes I don't even look twice. If in the last months I haven't used something, it is because I don't need it.

Needless to say my clothes are all religiously put together in the right places, divided by the normal categories. (Let's see how long it'll last)

This is not very normal in me, since organization isn't a big friend of mine, but it feels like I am giving away all the things I don't need, not only material things, but spiritual, psychological and emotional. Besides it is another activity I keep to spend my day in a better mood.

I have also been singing a lot, listening and learning what I can to improve my skills, specially in opera, which is really my first love <3

Along with singing and cleaning, yesterday I went for a little shopping with my mum to update clothing. The cheaper the better and I could find some nice things BUT the best thing had to be the book The Red Queen by Philippa Gregory

These days have been miraculous because they haven given me what I needed the most: time to myself, to my things. I know that it is most likely during my life not to have the time I recquire, but sometimes there's nothing better than to stop and succumb to self indulgence!

I guess the medicin has been effective, so I feel a little better, and stronger to fight against the "anguish moments".

During this week I am going to Porto to visit my dear friends, and hopefully start to see somethings to move along with my life. There's nothing well structured yet, but I'm going to start moving before I lose it again.

There's some little joy and will growing on me, and I won't lie, I feel utterly relieved.
My spirit is returning to myself, slowly ^^

Tiny Star...!

2011-08-12T23:58:00.000+01:00

I can already see you, far away.

But I don't want to see you shining, only.

I want you to explode on me, full of light and power.

ライオン Birthdays!

2011-08-10T14:47:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow's my mum's B-day so I'll try to be as cheerful as I can so we can try to have some fun.

I know you don't read blogs mum, specially in English, but I love you <3

Also, my beloved Maeve Desrosiers is almost celebrating one more year, this time with a new life and I'd like to make this a fun thing, so we can get a little crazy and forget about Hell outside.

Meanwhile, I have been trying to gather to my innerself and force it to react.

Thanks everyone for the support <3

I deeply appreciate it!

Waiting for the Butterfly to Rise

2011-08-07T01:39:00.001+01:00

Ao correr deste blog, já foram postados vários assuntos, de temáticas distintas, umas mais sérias, outra nem tanto.
O facto é que escrevo publicamente, independentemente de haver muitos ou poucos leitores, pelo simples facto de poder haver algum conforto de alguém que se sinta em situações idênticas.

Não gosto de relativizar problemas, sobrevalorizá-los ou subvalorizá-los, pois sempre fui fã da máxima: "Cada um sabe de si". Sou uma pessoa saudável, pode dizer-se e graças aos Deuses aqueles que amo também o são, no entanto talvez por ser sempre ávida de tudo o mais além do necessário, sei que existem períodos bastante dificies (não só aplicável a mim, claro) e negros que custam a desvendar e a ultrapassar.

Ás vezes pergunto-me se, por vezes, a ignorância não seria de facto uma benção. Se estivéssemos cientes que se apenas formos saudáveis a vida nos sorriria. Confesso que, mesmo só com esse conceito e modo de pensar, não sei se tudo seria mais fácil, mas também, até que ponto a vida, é vivida em si, só em facilidades?

Pessoalmente, encontro-me a vivenciar uma fase menos boa e encaro-a como uma provação quase da minha identidade e do sentido que tenho dado à vida. Prefiro pensar e viver um dia de cada vez, mas como qualquer ser tenho sonhos, objectivos e ambições. Se chega um dia em que tudo isso se torna turvo e inútil, e é que temos de nos preocupar e agir.

Clinicamente já se diagnosticam depressões, se bem que certamente sempre tenham existido, talvez sendo encaradas como traços de personalidade, ou simplesmente mudanças menos positivas, desencadeadas por eventos imediatos ou graduais

Admito, que na minha óptica, sempre julguei que houvesse mais susceptibilidade por parte de certas pessoas, com caracterisitcas propícias a esse estado. No entanto, da minha experiência, são precisamente aquelas que menos espero ver, as que estão (ou estiveram) mais mergulhadas nesse estado chamado de "Doença do Séc XXI"

Acredito piamente, que em qualquer geração, a passagem para a idade adulta não seja fácil e obriga-nos a nascer para um mundo diferente, mas nao querendo "puxar a brasa à minha sardinha" penso muito sinceramente que ao crescer-mos cientes da possibilidadede realizar os nossos sonhos, mesmo sendo estes algo bizarros em alguns casos, possa não ser tão benéfico assim.

Sou totalmente grata ao facto de ter crescido numa altura onde a informação está disponível a toda a gente e onde temos espaço para sonhar e criar, desenvolvendo de uma melhor forma a nossa individualidade. A questão é que por vezes não está dependente de nós. E aí prende-se a minha questão.

Sabermos/termos demasiada informação não tem o seu lado podre?

É extremamente positivo sermos pró-activos, independentes e livres, dá nos uma sede de viver que provavelmente confere muito mais cor e sabor ao tempo que passamos nesta Terra, do que áqueles a quem foi impingido uma vida, uma rotina. Só questiono se essa sede não traz dissabores de mais, se nos tolda o sentido de selecção, satisfação e realização.

Não caímos nós na possibilidade de morrer com a sensação que nada tivemos, mesmo depois do mundo a nossos pés?
Não perderemos nós a noçao do que é realmente necessário e importante para que tenhamos, pelo menos, paz?
Claro está que esses padrões seriam definidos por cada individuo, mas até onde precisamos de ir, com quem temos de nos cruzar para nos concretizarmos?

Não sei se nos tempos que correm, crescemos depressa de mais, ou devagar de mais, sinto apenas que existe um vazio enorme que envolve os que anseiam pelo clímax da vida.

Numa perspectiva pessoal, apesar de todas as dificuldades, penso que devemos querer mais, fazer por mais, e indulgir-nos até mais não, desde que seja algo que não interfira com a liberdade do outro (é dificil, mas não é impossível) e neste momento é isso que quero atingir. Quero atingir a força e o brilho para continuar a alimentar tudo aquilo que sempre fez sentido para mim.

Só cheguei à conclusão que por vezes, o tempo é nosso amigo e não devemos considerá-lo disperdiçado. É preciso curar as feridas, despir o passado e desfrutar o presente e estar preparado para o futuro.
Bem sei que não é fácil esta paragem, mas preciso de me concentrar sozinha, comigo mesma e curar a minha alma de tudo o que a fez adoecer.

Tento veementemente encarar esta situação, esta pausa, digamos assim, como uma purgação para um salto gigantesco, e não como uma desistência. Por muitas pedras que sejam atiradas haverá dias em que vou conseguir detê-las e outros não.

O maior passo para combater este estado em que me encontro é aceitar as caracteristicas do mesmo, e encontrar a melhor forma, nem que seja a menos ortodoxa, de o ultrapassar, de olhar para isto e aprender uma, ou várias lições.
Será encarado como a formação de um casulo e tenho a certeza que de lá sairá uma borboleta, ainda que tenha nascido das cinzas e das lágrimas, vai voar até onde quiser.

Perdoe-me quem ler, se não parece ter nexo o post, ou que existam assuntos baralhados e que não têm qualquer conexão entre si, apenas achei necessário exprimir-me desta forma, além do que é provavel que a minha coerência/ concentração não esteja na sua melhor forma.

Old and Grey Dust in the Air

2011-08-04T16:40:00.004+01:00

No, no, no!

A shock at the surface and nothing but a tiny shaking at the core.

I realize it's just dust in my shoulders, and I can easily clean it.

Might become Katharsis, and that is my biggest victory,.

Because I refuse to lose this time.

...Even though this was absolutely unnecessary!

2011-07-25T13:58:00.000+01:00

My only decision is not to make any decisions for now.

Final Confession ~

2011-07-22T15:56:00.000+01:00

Wondering what's the meaning of life, is a much more deep subject than most people make it sound.

In the last months, or I'd say years, I have been thinking a lot, and struggling a lot, facing everything as a challenge with me playing the super hero girl (or at least that's how I looked at myself) who is strong enough to take care of herself, her friends and family and yet, make sure to keep things out of boredom.

I am not saying with this that I am an unreplaceble being in the life of those around me, but the fact is that I have always cared a lot, even though I couldn't show it the best way sometimes. And for that I apologize.

Truth is that for the last times I have been thinking only about those whom I love, making sure sure I could help in any way, because I believe that we must share the best things we carry within ouserlves with those give colour to this grey life.

I have made some choices in the past and, despite all the opinions, my will stood strong and I did what I wanted but I ended up failing. From there on I decided to listen more and be more careful, dimning the fire of my agitated youth, in order not to get (really) hurt or frustrated.

So I always expected and required a lot from my abilities, and my spirit, a burden I have put on my shoulders, not allowing my weaknesses to show, not allowing me to give up, not allowing me to be free.
I wanted to to stand proud to prove my family, friends and myself that nothing or no one in this world could ever beat me. I wanted to be dauntless.

Until the day that, like any human being says: It's enough.
I know I am young and I will have lots of years to be happy and live at the fullest, but for the first time I'll say that I am scared, actually I am terrified.

I feel alone and lost, unable to step further, walking alone, fragile and vulnerable.
I am tired of being strong.

I haven't been allowing myself to be down like I said, but my nerves tricked me and I am even afraid to go to work, reaching the point of anxiety taking care of my senses and can't even stand at the building's door.
My job has contributed majorly to this state, for I spend 9 hours of my day, everyday, standing in a place I hate, under the most unhuman pressure I have ever seen.

All the stress, the plans, the lonely heart, the strong spirit, it all just exploded inside me and has been pretty extreme.

Maybe I should listen to my heart more, not to fight against my original deep will and desire.

Thanks to my mother who has been a major support <3 my siblings, and to M, K, O and B, who are with me too, near or far.

2011-07-17T11:57:00.000+01:00

Not only the costumers complain!! I do complain too!

I managed NOT to work 8 days in a row, though I appreciate the fact that they need me for two teams, which means my work is recognized, but I can't be in disadvantadge!

So I am going to try do something useful today instead of walking my lazy butt around doing nothing!

Have a nice Sunday <3

Oh and...

~たんじょうびおめでとうレモンくん~

Alt Lys Er Svunnet Hen

2011-07-14T01:36:00.000+01:00

Today I opened up the closet where my memories were laying, dusty and grey.

I am feeling way too vulnerable, and I am afraid I won't think/act the way I want.

I'm scared, even though it's not dark anymore. Now it's quiet and bright.

Above all, I miss my friends, and only now I realize they are 50% of my strength.

...

(Sometimes I feel I am on my teens now that I have reached the 20's)

2011-07-11T01:06:00.000+01:00

I guess it takes:

Skill

Talent

Strong Will

Perseverance

Versatility

Emotion

And I want to achieve the highest of them all!

Gambarimasu (^_^)b

Sunday, Bloody Sunday...

2011-06-27T00:19:00.001+01:00

There is this general sensation that Sundays are depressive. I guess lots of people have that opinion, even though I can't say why.

The fact is that I have this love/hatred relationship with Sundays, either they are amazingly calm and relaxing, making me think deeply and clearly about important things, or it's simply the saddest day ever.

All of this, just to say that, in a couple of years, I had dinner alone on a Sunday, which felt very odd, since I have been feeding this "tradition" of having dinner together with friends on Sundays.

My friends just left and I already miss them, not only in a selfish way, but mainly because I wanted to be there to talk, listen, help and comfort if necessary.

I am really looking forward to step higher than this. This place is choking me and I have lost the will to make it work here.

Anyway I am keeping my head up and now that I'll spend more time alone, I'll use it to take care of somethings I have been neglecting until now, also I plan to start a major cleaning in my house in order to get rid of the useless things that I have.

Once I leave (which I hope won't take long) there'll be few things that will need constant maintenance, since my father is totally NOT Cinderella-like.

To finish, I am watching ライアーゲーム (Liar Game) and I am loving it ! ! ! I haven't had the opportunity to watch it before, so I thought it would be nice to fill some of my spare time with this!

I want to thank Aiko and Isis for meeting me last night and being just as awesome as you always are <3 and also Vera and Cris for the phone call, I really do appreciate m( _ _ )m.

~~~~Ja~~~~

Beauty is in the Eyes of the Be[er]holder ~

2011-06-22T17:04:00.000+01:00

Jokes aside, this is something we face everyday in the most insignificant things.

How many times do we discuss beauty, wether it is related to a person, a piece of clothing, a song or anything else?

I, personally, think that the concept of beauty isn't that static or rigid. It is much more than our eyes can see, so to me, beauty is the final result of a mix of all our senses.

Without being shallow, I honestly think this should be one of our main values in life.

Not only it would improve the image we have of ourselves, aswell as it would allow us to be better beings towards the others.

No matter how you look like, your weight, your height, your skin colour, your religion., act beautiful, think beautiful, feel beautiful, be beautiful.

"My name is Khan, and I am not a Terrorist"

2011-06-14T14:16:00.005+01:00

Ok, finally I guess I have found some time and inspiration to write.

With time, subjects come to my mind, but soon disappear, and the fact that I am always tired and sleepy doesn't help much!

As I already mentioned here, I am at home, so no work for the next 15 days, which takes this extremely heavy weight off my shoulders, since there are going to happen big changes around me. It's not directly to me (yet) but it's still very intense T__T!

! ! ! Gambarimasu ! ! !

On a lighter note, Bollywood has bewitched us with all that exotic environment that revolves around those 3 hour films!

I recently watched Khabi Khushi Khabi Gham for the first time, and since my friends have already watched it more than once, they didn't mind to watch again.

I instantly fell in love with the OST and I confess, I developped a little fangirlism over SRK, King Khan or simply, Shah Rukh Khan --------->>> <3333

Handsome and talented, he took my breath away with the outstanding role in My Name is Khan as Rizwan Khan, an unexpected hero that suffers from Asperger's Syndrome.

You should all watch that movie, for it has the greatest lesson one must learn and live by.

Brilliant!

The more I watch Asian Cinema, either it's Hindi, Japanese, Korean or Chinese, the more I love it, Asians definitely feel it differently, and deeper <3

Believe it or not, I have memorized the lyrics, so now I can sing in Hindi too!

How cool is that?

I am...

2011-06-12T15:41:00.001+01:00

...Officially on Holidays <3

Big Steps. Decisions. Changes.

Swimming Pool

2011-06-04T02:15:00.000+01:00

*___*

The simple act of drinking this made me feel good! ~~

Materializa-te perante mim, sem corpo e sem voz...

2011-05-27T03:29:00.000+01:00

Materializa-te perante mim, sem corpo e sem voz
para que te possa reconhecer, sem falácias e mentiras
do coração, sem este sentir de impotência atroz
que me morde o espirito cada vez que respiras.

Respiras e eu não sinto, não conheço a tua origem
ainda que o teu paradeiro queira ser para que despertes
no mais profundo mar de cada lágrima, na vertigem
de cada sorriso destes lábios mortos e inertes.

Deixa de pairar na atmosfera e toma corpo de uma vez
para que possa pousar a minha tranquilidade no teu corpo abstracto
sem formas, nem cor, nem a mais pequena rigidez,
materializa a aura luminosa, ofuscante, sem tacto

Que neste mundo so habita no frágil imaginário
do boémio, embrenhado na sua infindável viagem
pela catárse da alma ainda em estado embrionário,
sem que o quadro dos deuses seja apenas paisagem

Que as minhas esperanças sejam os teus primeiros gemidos
o teu primeiro suspirar de vida, sem que tenha de te interpretar
através dos sinais cansados que emanas no fogo dos sentidos
sem me dizeres quem és, sem me dizeres como te devo amar.

Lately...

2011-05-21T02:49:00.000+01:00

It feels like my words are stuck on my chest.
It's not that I have a big revelation to make or something but I feel like I need to talk, but I can't do it.
Either my will to do so vanishes in thin air, either I can't find the proper moment and words to do it.

I have never been good at expressing my feelings, or talk about me and what makes me happy/sad/mad, and I think I needed to do it more often.

It's not good to keep everything for yourself, and I am not talking about bad things only, but for the good ones too must be exorcized from our innerselves.

Maybe If I start writing again, it will be easier...!

2011-05-16T03:41:00.003+01:00

It might feel strange because I am not used to that anymore.

[Insert Title Here]

2011-05-11T02:29:00.001+01:00

So now that I have recovered from the flu, I got back to work and eveything got back to normal.

Yesterday I decided to move my lazy ass to see my aunt and my little cousin named Alice, which is an adorable 1 yo that, I believe, will be a singer in the future ^^! The kid memorizes all the songs she listens to, so as you can imagine, I was thrilled to witness her artisitcal skills =3!

My new glasses have finally arrived, and I really do feel relieved for that. Not only because I needed new lenses, but mainly, because I couldn't stand my old glasses anymore since they were butt ugly and didn't match me D:! These are much better aren't they?

Glasses *__*

My sister hasn't been feeling very well lately T__T and I'm sorry I can't do anything to help, I just wish she gets better soon and can live a life with no worries about her health. <3

For some reason a strong ray of hope invaded my spirit today. It's not that I have been negative, but lately I tend to be too careful and thoughtful about the changes in the future.

Having a solid, well structured plan has given me an even bigger strength to fight for everything to work out just fine.

Even though I get the feeling that I shouldn't be so protective, I can't live in freedom if my family or closest friends are not ok, but I know everyone will be happy at the end.

I promise to do my best to get our goals achieved.

We know we weren't born just for this!

A bright future awaits us <3

Dead in Bed

2011-05-03T17:47:00.001+01:00

The last time the flu hit me this hard, was when I came back from Japan! x_______x

So last Sunday I was fine and, suddenly, on Monday my throat felt like it was on fire "-__-, so that means I'm all feverish and sore, feeling dead in bed.

Obviously, I have been skipping work because I can't even stand the idea of being out of the house, and spending hours and hours talking in front of a computer.

...No smoking for 48 hours, so you can imagine my situation and how bad that is xD.

Wish me a quick recovery <3

Material [Pain]

2011-04-19T17:07:00.001+01:00

Today I decided to organize all my (useless) shoes in order to get more room for other stuff.

I realized I have some pairs, but lately some of them don't seem to fit any occasion, besides my feet are very sensitive, and since I walk a lot I have to be utterly careful when picking up a pair.

T.U.K shoes <3

Fortunately, Maeve was kind enough to give me a pair of wonderfully comfy and resistant shoes I'm in love with!

Thanks babe ^^ <3

Cell with the Notebook that was given to me as prize at work.
*Laughs Out Loud*

Instead of the Motorola U9-which-I-never-liked I bought the Cute Little Kimmidoll Sony Ericsson.

I wanted a white version, but unfortunately it was impossible to find ;___;
The camera is shit, but I still have the old ugly machine which doesn't make/receive any calls or sms's, but still takes nice pictures.

I am not a material person, but sometimes I wish I had more time and motivation to take care of my things, and consequently myself.
Gone are the days when I always had my make up on, and my hair at its best, and a nice coordinate.

I have naturally lost somethings with time, and I don't dress like I did when I was younger, but I struggle everyday not to fall in the Vulgaris Vaccum.

People look so grey and unpretty that, everytime I look around I feel depressed!
I understand we have to adpat our syle to the different situations, but there is something I'll reject forever.

The Vulgaris Uniform:

I simply can't stand the regular blue jeans everyone loves and wears all the time and, to match perfectly give it a white Tshirt and sneakers.

I'd kill myself in the first minute x__________x
So please, never ask me to wear something like this!

Strange Vibes

2011-04-18T01:16:00.000+01:00

It's "funny" how bad energies get spread and evolve so many people at the same time.

In where I live, people in general are facing very hard and negative times and you can see it blinking at you in every corner.

It really makes me sad that it gets me to change my lifestyle and the way I face things.

I am a radiant person, loud and always ready for a good laughter, but, somehow this whole crisis and dark environment full of dispair and whinning is making me change.

Not only me, sadly, everyone.

I want to believe this is going to change, I want to work for my life and those of who I love to be easier and lighter.

I want to hold my friends and family and say: Don't worry, it will work for us!

And most of all, I don't want to lose hope.

May the gods help us walking this dark path.

Vampire Cinderella!

2011-04-12T04:50:00.001+01:00

Good night everyone!

It's been a saga since I've been working for all these days, with no time for anything x_________x I really do feel tired.

So in the past days I've been practicing a lot of Hiragana and the private lessons have been a blast ^^! We are all making great progress \\(^_^)//.

For some reason my mood hasn't been the best but I can't really explain why.
There are a lot of things in my mind now and sometimes, unfortunaltey, I feel like I'm in my teens again, so I struggle very hard against some things that would only make it worse.

Maybe it's just a phase, or perhaps I'm just realizing things as they are and frustration has to be the main feeling, and the worse in the world, actually.

It's not that I feel it's a shame, but it's not me to expose my weakness(es), I hate it because it makes me feel too vulnerable and that is not something I can deal with.

But I am ok now, I even cleaned my whole house and did the entire week's laudry at 4 a.m. (That's why I am the Vampire Cinderella xDDD)

I need to sleep!

おやすみなさい

Past Days.

2011-04-04T13:30:00.000+01:00

Reddish Hair with a new Cut
4 days off
Drama Addiction
Waiting for - Lin -「Silent To My Pain」 to arrive <3<3<3<3
Japanese writing Practice
Too much thinking

Silent to My Pain

2011-04-02T13:59:00.000+01:00

This is so good, it almost makes me cry!

Good Morning, Spring!

2011-03-25T14:40:00.000Z

The revealing of life, colour and joy.

The warmth of the gods by the loving sweet breeze that dances with your hair.

It's time to sing, to dance, to love and to bloom your soul to the world.

Let us leave the snow behind and live hand in hand with Spring.

*My Favourite Season*

I miss you, Porto

2011-03-24T15:27:00.001Z

And your:

Warm People

History

Food

Crazy Buses

Gardens

Accent

Gay Friendly Clubs

Bridges

Wine

Hospitality

So many good times I have lived there, so many fun memories.

I had a purpose, and I ended up fullfiling others, but the main one. That's the way it is, we always run into the unknown,

I am happy anyway, it was probably one of the richest experiences I've ever had.

For some time, Porto was the tissue my dreams were made of.

Blog's New Make Up

2011-03-23T14:56:00.000Z

Hello you lot!

As you can see I have changed my blog's make up, turning it a little bit lighter!
I was really fed up with the older layout, even though it's gorgeous and you can hardly see it's a blogger, but it was time to change a little bit.

I have changed the linkage, linking the blog's I really read, and adding some other stuff.
I myself am a lurker on many, many blogs, but I never commented, therefore, I haven't establish any contact with the authors, so no linking yet.

Sometimes I really miss the blondeness!
T___T

*June 2009*

I am feeling truly bored with my own look too, specially haircut and colour, but I need to be patient because probably I have to control my urge to be weird, in order to get everything the right way.

Plans tend to get shape in my head by now and I decided that, to get everyhing done perfectly, some sacrifices must be made. So I'll just dye my hair pitch black and keep it growing -____-!

I never liked plans, because it sort of gives me the feeling that things are not going to happen, but that's my paranoia speaking. Maybe I never needed to plan anything carefully and just dived into the things.

I have a feeling that this year, things are going to change in a very large scale and finally I'll be able to give the first steps into what I really desire.
Of course I'm not going to do this alone, for various reasons.

These have been good days for me, not only because I'm at home, but because it gives me room and time to care about what really matters. <3

In a side note, I'd like to wish a *~HAPPY BIRTHDAY ~* to my uncle whom I love and admire! By the way, you can also read him if you're a portuguese speaking fella : Coisas Simples

"#$%&/

2011-03-18T19:03:00.001Z

These days have been feeling like Heaven, and I still have 8 days to be a lazy ass ^_^!!

Yesterday was Miyavi's concert and even though I'm not a big fan myself, I really enjoyed the whole show. I wasn't expecting the songs I know/like and I went to support and also out of curiosity regarding him as a live artist, the audience, and the entire experience itself.

Everyone was very touched by his words concerning the disaster in Japan, including myself, and we all sent our prayers to Japan in a minute of silence.

Visual Jam also threw a party last Saturday, so once again I'd like to thank the usual presences and also the new ones.

*~ ありがとう ~*

*********

I'm currently reading this awesome book named Madame Sadayakko !!!

It is about the greatest geisha/actress that ever existed, the one that bewitched the West.

So far I am loving it,and I really like the way they describe Sadayakko.

Such a strong, determinated, beautiful women, that, with a male-ish twist become adored by the world <3

I was lucky enough to find it with a shamefully cheap price, and in the minute I saw it, it was mine.

I wanted to bring another one, but I can not lose my mind and spend all the money I have on books (unfortunately ;__;)

Aren't they awesome?

Blessed days

2011-03-13T15:06:00.007Z

There's no better thought than knowing that today is Sunday 13th and I'll be back to work only on the 26th! (# -_-) what a relief!

I need to rest, to do all the things I want/need to do and just take a break from the real life. It really tires me, in all senses.

So I'm ready to live my life a little bit more in these days and enjoy it as much as I can!

\\( ^__________^ )//

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Estrela de Cinco Pontas

2011-03-07T19:12:00.003Z

Sabedoria: A base do encanto, um abraço seguro, e as palavras mais sábias que se pode ter. A Sabedoria abarca-nos no seu seio maternal, e leva no peito a Estrela que arde pelos Deuses.

Ligação: A ligação directa de todas as pontas, a ramificação dos restantes. Constitui o amâgo de todo o astro, centrando-se e nascendo dele todos os outros que, por acréscimo, se unem. A Ligação é a génese da Estrela.

Realidade: Desperta o racíocinio conferindo à Estrela um toque de terra, de corpo, mortalidade. Um oposto de si próprio, mantém a sua missão no meio do transcendente.

Mudança: A inovação, o desencadear da mudança das marés,a visão do que está para lá de tudo aquilo que sonhamos. Permite à Estrela seguir o seu caminho.

Equilíbrio: Espelha-se em todos os extremos, a concórdia e a discórdia na sua versatilidade, a balança dos pólos. Segura a Estrela.

Podem nunca ter pensado assim, mas nós somos uma estrela...

Resurrection Band Contest

2011-02-27T16:06:00.000Z

Yesterday RBC took place at Revolver (Cacilhas), and once more we went to see/support Karuniiru, with Kiaiku as guest guitar.

I really have to congratulate our boys for the wonderful show and specially for having the guts to play in for a very "specific" audience.

As a mainly hardcore band contest, as you can imagine, the live house was croweded with hardcore fans.

I try the hardest not to sound detrimental, but I can't this time because I've never seen such an hateful, rude, almost ridiculous audience.

I know that Visual Kei inspired bands in Portugal are hard to swallow, but still, be, at leats, respectful.

I don't mean to feed stereotypes or anything, I myself have friends that like hardcore, but I got really negatively impressd.

Fortunately the organizers were very kind and laid back, so thanks to them!

The fact that Karuniiru were brave enough to present themselves just like they are out of their comfort zone, only proves that their steel will, is stronger than an any negative comment.

And, in addtion to that, since it was a contest and the audience had to vote, we missed a lot of people who could have supported and helped a little more.

You can't wish to have Japanese related shows/events/whatever if you stay at home, instead of supporting the few things you have here.

My Precious...!

2011-02-19T16:57:00.000Z

Arrived Yesterday <3

Looking at the Bright Side

2011-02-17T16:12:00.005Z

Most of the times we tend to get mad at those things that are almost inevitable to us. Situations that will happen everyday and you just can't smile at it, looking at the bright side.
As I have already refered it here, I reallly don't like fake happy words to hide what's wrong, but from my personal experience, I eventually happened to squeeze those things in order to take advantage of them.

True or not, I know this applies to me, it may not be the same case for other people so I'm just sharing.

Having no car/driving license


These boots were made for walking!! I love them

Now a days it is almost mandatory for you to drive, specially in Portugal where the transport is everything but reliable. maybe with an exception for bigger citites : Lisbon and Oporto. So in my case, since I don't drive and living in a place like this, basically I walk to everywhere.
I live 30 minutes away from work, and I enjoy walking, seriously but sometimes I just curse myself for having no car. Rain, heavy grocery bags, extra time to reach everywhere, and always depending on others.
As you can well imagine I'm not going to kill myself over that, and there are things that really make me like being like this.
First, I hate going out from bed straight to work, or anywhere else!! I like to have time to wake up, force myself to accept I ain't going back to bed, and life is not so cruel for that. All that thinking is done when I am walking my daily 30 minutes with my phones on. So I wake up, exercise and get a little bit cheered up with music. When I arrive at any place I don't look/feel so sleepy anymore and I feel ready for what waits me!
A car would be useful, but even if I could drive I guess I'd still walk a lot!

Female Condition

It says it all!!

Most women know they were born to suffer! Child birth, sexism, and period. Literally.
Since you're a kid you'll get to know what pain is, physically and emotionally. The more than famous PMS with all those hard symptoms that will make you want to commit mass murder if anyone approaches!
If you think twice, girls, doesn't food taste better? Don't your bed and pijamas feel cosier? Doesn't chocolate feel even sweeter and better in huge portions? And you don't even feel guilty (ok, this one really doesn't suit me, I never do, never did!! 8D) Besides, every month you have a reasonable excuse for bitching around, and this is only available for us, women, even though we are feeling alright, you know you can be a big bitch, because everyone will understand.
Personally I don't use that for anything and honestly I barely feel it, but sometimes I can't help being a furious bloody girl xDD!

Cinderella Hours

Cinderella doing her thing xD

And no I'm not talking about fancy dresses, handsome princes and cristal shoes! It's more like cleaning and tidying all day.
Since forever my mum and other family members said I'd be this really clumsy and lazy housewife and, frankly, they have a point there. I don't lose my sleep over the need to clean, cook or anything like that and even some people call it lazyness, I call it stillness.The truth is that, sooner or later, the work has to be done and I ended up enjoying it, specially if there is no one at home.
Since my house is never silent, I just make it a little bit louder and start my journey through the valley of brooms, water and soap bubbles (how fairy-like <3)!
Everything is allowed: singing, dancing with the broom, jumping over the wet floor, jumping in the beds before putting the new sheets... My house becomes a circus, a cabaret, a live house!!! xD
And in the end, nothing feels better than a warm bath in the ultra shining bathroom I cleaned with my own hands, with a burning incense and listening to something like this.

Living in Portugal

Ok, this might sound controversial, but I'm not going to be an hypocrite saying I feel just as good as great in here. I don't and I hardly believe I ever will.
I like the country itself, I really love it, but people annoy me so damn much >__< sometimes I just feel like go away from here forever. Well I'd better not starting to write about what I hate, otherwise this would never end.
Looking at the bright side, Portugal has the best landscapes ever, and there is this ancient feeling revolving aroung some places, like Arrábida, for example.
Since I have this really strong spiritual beliefes, Portugal works as one of the best "shrines" ever. I confess I haven't traveled a lot in my life, but you just can feel it here.
It's such an overwhelming, but at the same time protective sensation, it really makes it worth living here.
I still think, the Gods live in here.

Lack of Money

My wallet is full of them -_-

Basically the origin of all my problems! And everyone else's! But so far I can't complain, because this big issue has developped big qualities in me, and everyone in the same situation.
In the first place, being short on money forces you to be creative!
From food to fashion! At least it is what happens to me. I really feel like the money can become elastic so I can do everything I want with it. Tasty dishes, for a lot of people, for 5€ or that shiny pair of leggings for the same price.
The lack of money stimulates your selective power, because you have to think twice before purchasing anything, so you learn to chose the best, for the lowest price. You become able to tell, by far, what is good and everyone else would be surprised to agree with you!
That's why, when people ask what's my perfume and where I bought my clothes/accessories/whatever I am wearing, I smile at them thinking : If I tell you, I will have to kill you!
Not for me, but for them! xD

~Ella~

Meat of Bastards Festival

2011-02-17T03:31:00.002Z

Apareçam ~

Philosophical Cinema

2011-02-12T10:56:00.001Z

Don't you often think of what moves you?

What makes you get up in the morning and keep going, reaching for something?

Lately (coincidence or not) I have been watching some films related to this subject.

"Burlesque(cover above)" "Hairspray" and "Black Swan".

All of them have a different approach, a different touch, but the same theme: the passion for their art.

It made me think.

Seriously.

Sometimes you get the simplest answers for the hardest questions.

Love has so many faces, so many languages that I believe it's pure vanity to categorize it.

Such a complex concept, lost in the world's mouth, underestimated in the hearts of those who feel only the surface.

Because true love isn't only towards people, or living creatures.

Sometimes true love is to show your soul through something that is not you, but lives in you.

2011-02-08T00:31:00.000Z

Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul.

Alexander Pope

Now it's my time to complain!!

2011-02-04T02:29:00.001Z

I lose mysef in my own thoughts and dreams.

Time works like air on my lungs so I need time to breathe in order to continue.

So many ideas, so many ideals and I realize I'm so self centered it's crucial to have my time, my space.

I hate to be consumed by mediocrity, daily routines and let all the hope on illusion wither.

I guess I'll can only pour myself into what (who) I truly love, for every other action will be empty and will turn my fire into ashes, and I still want my days to be warm and light!

*******************************

I have been so tired and busy that I almost get angry about it.

So, no blogging about anything because my job takes me ALL the time I have, so I feel like a talking robot doing the exact same thing everyday.

Makes me furious to be limited to something for money.

Money doesn't pay everything and, frankly, I value the things I really like to do and put my soul into, a lot more than just cash.

The fact that I have to erase who I am, for a job makes me wonder deeply sometimes, because often I feel I just can't swim against the storm and ,sooner or later, you just end up by giving your total self to that, even against your will.

Maybe I'm just a kid trying to get used to adults world.

But I guess that I'm more of an unadapted freak who will never accept the life I'm living.

January 25th, 2011

2011-01-25T02:36:00.002Z

Today is an important day!

I'll be there, surelly. Like always.

And it will always be like that!

May the gods be with you my dear, for I will certainly be.

Coming to me ~

2011-01-24T13:36:00.000Z

L'yse:nore - Four Leaf Clover

Rin - Metamorphose

Happy Birthday Dumbass!!

2011-01-22T12:06:00.001Z

Yeah in past 20th of January it was my 22th birthday!

I'm not really fond of big parties on my b'day's, and I don't have a specific reason, I just like to make it simpler and calmer.

I had a nice but pretty normal day, full of happy b'day wishes, a beautiful cake and loads of love! <3

Thank you everyone who remembered and greeted me on Facebook!

That was huge, arigato! m( _ _ )m

I also want to thank my work mates, who were kind and silly enough to decorate my desk with two flags and a beautiful Pink Cowboy hat with a glitter stripe and fur <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Isn't it awesome?!!

"Happy b'day Waki Wachi/Exótica"

I want to thank my beautiful friends too, for offering me the cake and being always there!
I love you all.
<3

2011-01-14T02:26:00.000Z

Um céu cinzento por trás da obra, castra-a.

É preciso dar-lhe fogo.

Dar-lhe sangue.

Oh please, kill me...

2011-01-11T15:35:00.000Z

...I'm sick, with the flu! D=

I guess no one likes to be sick, but this really bothers me!

I had to skip work today because my throat was really begging for mercy after yesterday.

8 hours talking, coughing, sneezing and feeling like shit just made me totally unable to work today so I really had to see the doc, otherwise my chest would explode at any moment.

I hate going to such crowded places, with a lot of sick people that still speak very loud and manage to get me as sicker as I was before I was there.

Funny thing is that today I saw my blonde twin at the hospital! Some girl I have never seen with the exact same haircut as mine (even the texture seemed similar) , her lips pierced as mine, wearing a fake black fur coat, just like MINE! Just like me!! I couldn't help staring a little bit but poor girl ,I was feeling her pain because everyone was staring at her too and I know what that is!

This feeling of dispalcement is really growing hard on me, sometimes I think if I didn't have my friends and all ther things we (have) build I'd be in a quite miserable state!

Call me a dreamer, but dreams are the only way for me to survive this.

I wish I could be there...!

~( -_- )~

2011-01-08T21:26:00.002Z

Hello Folks!

It's finally weekend and I feel like I can finally breathe!
Even though the latest days haven't brought the best news, I still want to spend this free time in a good mood!

Weekends work as total wash of all the shit I have to get on weekdays, so I make everything I need to enjoy these days at the maximum!

Music fills the air all day and I can finally fuel myself again properly.
On weekdays I don't listen as much music as I'd like to, and when I say listen I day practicing too. Fortunately I have a pair of best friends that always come with me. Those on the picture <3

You can hardly catch me alone with no headphones. Music works as the best companion on every ocasions so I am completely dead to the world when I have my headphones on! I really mean it xD weather I am home or outside, nothing and no one exists anymore, just me and the sound!

Most people stare at me like I am totally nuts, just because I'm moving my lips along with the song, or closing my eyes. I'm sorry mates, I can't help being that expressive xD!

I really can't figure why, but I am noticing that as time goes by I tend to become a little bit standoffish towards people I don't know that well such as co-workers and other recent acquaintances.

I guess I'm just fed up with curious looks and silly questions, so to avoid that, it is better to be quiet and still.
At the core I am a talkative and loud person, but I conlcude now that you have to save yourself for those who really deserve!

I can take jokes from people I barely know, stupid ones sometimes, and I can laugh with them at myself!
However, I still feel I have to spare myself from a lot of things I don't have to hear or see because unfortunately, most people in this place are the dumbest beings I've ever seen.

Enjoy your weekend <3

I have been listening to this all day!

Love, love, LOVE!!

Sigh

2011-01-05T02:48:00.000Z

Days tend to pass in a grey, tasteless dance.

It is getting extreme lately, either I feel highly happy when in particular circumstances, or I feel as miserable as I can.

I need changing.

I wasn't made to live this suffocating life for a long time.

I need to do what I want to do.

What I love to do.

Now.

Opera Day!

2010-12-27T15:22:00.000Z

As you may know, I am quite fond of Opera and Operatic voices since I was about 14 years old.

It grew on me so deeply that I actually started trying some arias, having Callas as my master. Callas' talent is just other wordly but you should always learn from the best, and so far, I haven't heard ANYONE as good as her. Yes I am one of those Callas fanatics who will always carry the Diva in the heart, even though she's not from my time.

But as I was saying, I started trying, just to see how it goes. Arias like "Un bel di vedremo" by Puccini's Madame Buttrfly (my absolute favourite) or "Oh mio babbino caro" by Puccini's Gianni Schicci or the well known "L'amour est un oiseau rebelle" By Bizet's Carmen.

Of course those are things that can only be sung by professionals but I was curious and at the time I could manage some arias, not perfectly but ok.

I have always tried to know more about technique and techincal terms but to be honest I don't know much and I actually can't tell if I am Soprano or Mezzo-Soprano, but I am almost sure I am Mezzo because my voice is much thicker and my high notes are too low to be a Soprano.

Still, I know nothing, so everything I said above can be totally wrong.

Until I was 18 I practiced my operatic voice and I was going well, but suddenly I stopped and started to try different things. Versatility has always been my major goal, for a good singer can sing almost anything, so it was time to give Soul a try.

Until today I had left opera aside, but my roots reside there, besides, if I can sing Opera, I can sing everything, so it was time to go back to my favourite arias.

The lack of practice aswell as aging as changed my voice, my breathing and the tone itself, but with proper exercise I could easily go back to what I was and it never felt so good.

A lot of things must be improved, but with time I think I'll be able to sharpen those details.

So today I will only listen to Opera.

To learn again, to feel again, to sing again.

Few sensations can be compared to singing/listening to Opera, really.

Those who don't like it may find it awkward, but for me it is one of the best musical experiences you can ever have.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite pieces of art.

Enjoy ~ <3 ~

Another cycle.

2010-12-26T00:55:00.001Z

So Christmas is already gone and I barely felt it!

Seems that the older I get the less magical it gets, but I guess it has nothing to do with age, but with the hard times we have to face as adults.

Well, I still had the typical chocolate overdose and might have got 20 kg fatter.

I don't care.

Really.

In the other hand, time urges so I realized that 2010 is almost over. And what a *great* year it was!

So like I did last year, here goes the list of 2010 highlights.

*Visual Jam's got its identity revealed.

* First Visual Kei Concert in Portugal, by the amazing el-Ethnic Legist-.

* DJ KHIMAIRA's first appearence in Portugal.

* Total of 5 events by Visual Jam! *claps*

*Parents divorce.

*Various job experiences, the worst being a factory x__________x!

* For the first time I sang in front of MANY people ^^"

* Got a stable job.

* Made a lot of acquaintances and some dear new friends <3.

* Stronger bonds with those who are always there. I owe you a lot! Thank you <3

But for 2011. I have much, much higher expectations.

*Work Hard.

*Fight my biggest fears.

*Dedicate myself to my greatest passion, and this time for real.

*Write a little bit more.

*Read a little bit more.
*Keep Visual Jam active and rocking!

*Maybe going to Japan.

*Too many other things I really have to keep to myself!

I feel 2011 will be big, not only for me but for my friends too...we are all heading to our dreams.

Slowly, but successfully.

Thank you,. so much, to everyone who have helped me through this year. I count on you in the next one.

And I will , certainly be there for you, always.

May the Gods accompain you through the next journey.

Finally.

2010-12-22T01:54:00.001Z

If I think carefully, I think I guessed it was coming, somehow.

Everything happens for a reason.

Can I breathe a little bit?

2010-12-16T01:17:00.000Z

It's only Wednesday and I am already dying x_x!

I've been working since Saturday and I'll still have my weekend as full as hell, even though for much more amusing reasons.

The only part of the day that I can relax a little is the evening, when I have the time to talk/yell/laugh with my friends and usually watch a movie with them.

After the one and only "North and South" we decided to watch some more movies starring the drop dead sexy Patrick Swayze on his 30's (may the gods be with him now).

I guess there is something about 80's movies that will always make me feel like a child living her first emotions. I don't know, it just feels different.

I'm not a cinema expert, but thanks to my friends I watch a lot of films and it almost equals the sensation of reading a book, with a little less mistery, but it is equivalent.

I need to sleep, but I feel like there are so many things to do, to think about and to organize...it makes me crazy >__<

Visual Jam First Birthday Ceremony DJ KHIMAIRA!

2010-12-10T12:02:00.000Z

Não percam!

~Covil Bar em Almada~

Complex Species.

2010-12-05T13:33:00.002Z

Being surrounded by so may types of people everyday makes me think about it.

How you can love and hate them.

I really love genuine people, even though I know I was a lot nicer in the first contact, than I am now, when in such situation, still I can't resist to those who really show themselves as they are.

Some time ago, I learned to create different sorts of bonds with the people I know. They will always describe me as me and all the descriptions would be similar, but you really have to adapt yourself to the other, and vice versa.

Being such a comunicative girl, it's really easy for me to start an acquaintance anywhere, and that allows me to look through people more carefully, and also to protect myself from the possible bad intentions.

There are those I instantly like, they cause a good impression and you can feel their pureness, regardless if they are shy, flamboyant, talkative or silent.

I also tend to like brutally honest people, because you always know what they are thinking about and that creates some sort of trust, because you know that from that person you will only hear the truth, and that is one of the more important things to look for in anyone.

I may not fancy everyone at the first sight, I'm not an hypocrite! Most of the times I just go with an open mind towards everyone, but it's really impossible with some people.

I happen to change my mind after knowing the person sometimes but it doesn't always happen.

I really appreciate having a vast list of different acquaintances for I really do believe it helps me to get better as a human being.

Even though I hate self help tips, highly motivational speeches for the depressed, happy philosophies and all that shit, I do believe growing as a person, being always a better one, is truly important.

But the most important thing ever is : NEVER lose your essence.

Inspiration Circles.

2010-12-01T03:45:00.004Z

I sincerely think that everything inspires everyone, and everything in the world works as a circle that suffers some natural changes with time.

So, even though I am myself, with my own unique features, a lot of people or entities contributed to build my personality.

And such thing happens with everyone.

I hate the word "Idol", and I barely use it, because looking up to people is to lose your own essence in order to get the other person/thing's one.

Your idol, is your idol, probably because he/she is very unique, original and outstanding and THAT is what should inspire you.

The core, not the demonstration.

But moving on, today I decided to let you know my biggest influences who helped be who I am today.

As you can figure by now, my main influences reside on music, therefore musicians are the strongest presence in the list.

Sarah Jezebel Deva

(Singer)

Sarah Jezebel Deva was my first singing icon, and because of her and her work in Cradle Of Filth, I started to try my voice now and then. Being connected with my favourite band of the time, and with all the "Dark-Evil" scene helped a lot too.

She was also a strong and empowering female reference to me, her attitude, her presence is always outstanding, despite all the prejudice against more-than-chubby-chicks. I absolutely love her, and will always be inspired by her.

Maria Callas

(Singer)

After Deva, I really started to take this singing thing more seriously and suddenly started to listen and love opera arias.

Even though everyone with a little sense of culture knows her name, I decided to go further and check out her work.

Few words can describe Callas, and her magnificent talent, passion and commitment to her art. Everyhting I know about singing technique I learned from her, from listening, from feeling, from reading everyhing about her. The most perfect fusion of technique and feeling.

Brava!

*Bows*

Manuel Barbosa Du Bocage

(Poet)

Not only I grew up gazing at his statue, as I also studied his writings a lot at school.

This great, visionary poet, born in my town, is the most pure reflection of my wildest side.

Laid back, sarcastic, free lover, free thinker, free spirit... An artist to the core!

Bocage is certainly one of the most interesting personalities I have ever crossed with (too bad we were born in different centuries!

Kisaki

(Musician)

Visual Kei represents, at least, 80% of who, and what I am, so I surely had to be inspired by the biggest name in the scene (in my opinion)!

Kisaki is a great bass player, aswell as composer and producer and he keeps the true V系 flame alive and breathing.

From looks to music I deeply admire him for everything he has built so far.

I really do wish he never leaves the music industry, for V系 would never be same without him.

Pete Burns

(Singer)

Remember the flamboyant, female-ish "You Spin Me Round" singer?

At the date of the first picture I wasn't even born yet, but Pete Burns is certainly the strongest influence on me ever.

I accept it might be hard for some people to understand why, because he is a man, dressing like a woman, who went a little extreme on cosmetic surgery.

Besides his great sense of style, which helped me develop my current sense of fashion, the ability to be who I really am, the joy of feeling comfortable in my own skin (ok, he tried to find his own skin with surgery, who am I to judge?) , Pete Burns reinforced my idea of individuality and pride, being just who I am, not giving a flying fuck about what others think or say.

Alongside with that life philosophy and guts to face the world on high heels and make up, his attitude makes me like him even more.

Pete is just amazing and I really do love him for exactly who he is!

And if you don't like it:

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a fuck"

Of course, the list does, in fact goes on, but I would never finish this if I named everyone.

2010-11-28T19:31:00.007Z

~This is my idea of Perfection~

Trabalhas em quê?

2010-11-23T16:36:00.002Z

O Arrogante

Ele/a : Ouça lá, se eu não faço downloads de PORRA nenhuma, como é que excedi o tráfego?
Eu: Certamente, terá conhecimento do facto que não só a descarga directa de informação que fica armazenada no computador conta como download, um exemplo prático será a visualização de vídeos no Youtube.
Ele/a Youtube????? Pffff, 'tá a gozar comigo, não??? Quero falar com o seu superior JÁ!
Eu : Efectivamente não me será possível transferir esta mesma chamada, relativamente a esta situação, da minha parte tem mais alguma questão?
Ele/a : Da sua parte? É melhor nem dizer!

O Meticuloso

Ele/a: Mas diga me lá minha senhora, como é que é instalada a televisão de Fibra? É que vocês são cá uns trapalhões , e eu preciso de saber como é: emissores, receptores, cablagem e isso tudo antes de mandar pôr. É que tenho mesmo curiosidade sabe, gosto de saber e além do que quando os técnicos vierem eu já sei como é!
Eu : ~Silêncio~
Ele/a :Bem, eu nem devo estar a falar com a linha certa, porque isto é uma coisa técnica, não é minha senhora? Olhe era possível passar para eles? É que eu preciso mesmo de saber como é feita a instalação se não, nunca mais!
Eu : ...Com certeza. não desligue por favor! *psycho*

O Conversador

Ele/a : Boa tarde, boa tarde, olhe eu recebi hoje a minha factura e vem aqui chamadas adicionais, quéisto?
Eu: Estou a falar com?
Ele/a: Aaaahhh já sei, isto deve ser aquelas chamadas que eu fiz para França, sabe menina eu sou sozinha, o meu marido já se foi, os meus filhos estão na França e eu ligo muito para lá. Isto aqui as minhas vizinhas não são muito de conversas, já eu gosto é de dar a língua e depois sabe como é, saudades dos filhos e dos netos e uma pessoa acaba por ir telefonando quando pode, e ainda por cima não se paga!
Estas aqui já devem ser para o telemóvel do meu neto, que já tá um homem e já quer um telefone para ele, já sabe como é não é menina, começam a namorar e a querer andar sozinhos. Nem sei como é que ele me atende, também fala pouco, sai ao pai, meu filho que sempre foi um moço muito calado mas muito amigo de ajudar. Olhe, ajudou lá toda a gente na França, coitado com uma mão à frente outra atrás mas deu sempre tudo o que tinha, aquele desgraçado. Meu rico filho, mas graças a Deus agora está bem na vida e diz que agora que o meu santo marido morreu que me vem buscar para ir lá para a França também.
Eu : -_________-" Exacto Sra. D XPTO, de facto o valor deve-se às chamadas para a rede móvel internacional.
Ele/a : Pois realmente, sacana podia ter me dito que aquilo era lá o telemóvel e assim eu ligava para casa, mas o moço sempre foi assim, não diz nada. Se a gente não se chega a ele, ele também nem água vai, nem água vem.. Enfim, menina não vou chateá-la mais que você tá aí a trabalhar e eu estou p'raqui a falar a falar e não a deixo trabalhar. Mas olhe é assim, vocês são boas pessoas e ouvem a gente, por isso já tou esclarecida. Desculpe lá qualquer coisinha!
Eu: Não tem importância *chatadocaralho*, mais alguma questão que queira ver esclarecida?
Ele/a: Não, não menina, tá tudo! Era só mesmo isto porque uma pessoa não sabe o que é por isso é que eu liguei tá a entender? Isto aqui vem o valor mas antes de pagar eu cá gosto de saber não é verdade., e é por isso que liguei. Não foi para reclamar nem nada, que eu estou muito contente com vocês e até agora só me trataram bem e eu pago tudo, que eu sou uma pessoa honesta e muito certa, sempre fui assim toda a minha vida e vai ser sempre assim, por isso menina, é tudo ta bem? Adeus adeus, boa tarde obrigada!
Eu : ...^_______^" Obrigada nós, boa tarde!

O Mal Educado:

Ele/a: Olhe boa tarde, é assim eu já não sou vosso cliente há três meses e continua a receber facturas, MASUKÉISTO? ANDAM A ROUBAR UMA PESSOA ASSIM À DESCARADA É?
EU JÁ MANDEI ESTA MERDA TODA CO'CARALHO E VOCÊS CONTINUAM MANDAR COISAS PARA PAGAR??
Por amor de Deus, estão a gozar comigo ou que? Que roubalheira é esta? Isso não é legal, ouviu? Eu vou a Deco e eles lá arrumam com vocês logo num instante, seus FILHOS DA PUTA!
Eu: Sr/a XPTO se não moderar a linguagem, serei forçada a terminar a chamada!
Ele/a: Ah é? Chamada mas é a PUTA QUE A PARIU!
Eu: *Pi Pi Pi Pi Pi*

Keywords: Optimus Clico; Optimus Homem ; Clix PT ; Moden ; Rouder ; Huawaueuwei ; Wérelés ; and the list goes on...

E resume-se mais ou menos a isto, todos os dias!

Se bem que também haja pessoas extremamente amáveis, estes são o prato do dia !

E é este o meu trabalho!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

2010-11-19T19:14:00.001Z

This is to all the lurkers out there, who read but DON'T comment! I know these visit counters are somehow fake and if you click 100 times, I'll have 100 visits 8D! How stupid...!

Anyway, I know you guys are there, so please say something, express yourself.

How much you like, or hate, this, your opinions, your ideas...everything! The only request is politeness and some intelligence.

I do not tolerate rudeness and ignorance, but everything else is welcome ^^!

Has anyone ever read "The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks? Well I haven't read it, or any other book by this famous author.

I'm just asking because yesterday, a workmate said that there is this character in the book, called Blaze that is really similar to me, according to her.

Described as laid back, irreverent, smoker, and with coloured hair, she said everytime she reads about Blaze, she thinks of me as her. So I thought that from now on, I should be named:

Blazella!!!!

Hahaha, kidding, I will remain Ella, as always =p but I must say that Blazella is much heroin-like =B

I'll be working on the weekend and, to be honest, I don't feel bad about it because I really enjoy days off during the week, besides weekends are just Heaven in that place.

Anyway, my favourite part of the day is when I take my cig and coffee break <3

~Ja~

And don't forget to say something (^_~)b

2010-11-17T02:51:00.001Z

A realidade apavora-me ao ponto de quase me submeter a um transe constante, dissimulado e mudo.

O meu olhar apenas o céu contempla perante o vazio, que cheio se apresenta em meu redor, e com os sentidos entupidos pelos sonhos, viajo sem fim, sem tempo, sem tacto.

Porque os meus pensamentos reduzem-se a imagens que já ultrapassaram o subconsciente, esconderam o véu que separa a fantasia do mundo real. Esconderam-no mas também não o procuro e é aí que o medo se apodera de mim.

Qual estado catártico, sobem as ilusões ao limite até fazer com que a rotina me esmague contra as paredes frias que me prendem aqui.

Cada minuto de inércia torna-se um universo em mim, e de repente as cores brilham e eu já não estou ali. Um segundo significa uma eternidade perante a magnitude dos rasgos de luz que na alma se instalam aquando da passagem.

E concretiza-se, por momentos, concretiza-se. E eu acredito, com todas as forças.

Eu posso, devo até, mas a força de nada serve quando entra no jogo o medo, silencioso e silenciador.

Mas que o meu inimigo seja palpável e que me obrigue a calar todas as minhas esperanças.

(...Pois os meus sonhos, ninguém os pode tirar de mim.)

Exotica 10!

2010-11-14T18:57:00.001Z

Working 7 days in a row is not easy, and I almost died on the last day! But the good thing is that in my first month I won the ASAT of October!! ASAT consists in calling back the clients that talked to me and ask them to rate my perfomance. I scored 10(maximum) points in both questionnaires! ^^ *Feels proud*!

I changed my hair this week! I intended to get somehow half blond again, but I ended up to get some red/orange highlights done by Maeve, and I love the result! I'm seriously thinking about bleaching a bigger portion of my hair, to get this colour! I really like it ~~!

I also have to mention the wonderful Isis birthday party! As usual, we followed the tradition and drank,danced and laughed a lot!

Thank you all folks, for the good times <3.

Stay tuned to Visual Jam, December is almost there...!

Besides the daily routine stuff, I need to buy a microphone so I can record my new experiences! I've been listening to Yasu (Acid Black Cherry, Janne da Arc) a lot, very carefully, and I'd like to try some of his songs. Not only they are simply beautiful, but also they are a pleasure to be sung for all the emotion they carry with them!

And I leave you with one of the best <3 I love this man's voice 8D~~

~Enjoy~

Courage.

2010-11-04T02:03:00.001Z

Sometimes I feel time and joy running away from me, slipping through my fingers.

And there's nothing I can do.

But one day, I will rise and it will be just like I always dreamt.

H,H,H

2010-11-01T13:07:00.002Z

Hitt, Halloween, Holiday!

After so many days without blogging, I have a full week, plus two busy weekends to talk about.

Last Sunday (24th) Visual Jam went to see HITT live @ Museu do Oriente.

Nice show, but not really my cup of tea.

Besides the show, business was calling and so we had the pleasure to meet GM for a little chat and some arrangements for December.^^

Another week has passed, and the Halloween party came! Amongst decoration, outfits, and handmade goodies Visual Jam had a blast doing everything.

Masquerade Of The Dead : An Halloween Reverie was so much fun and I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did.

Thank you guys, the ones who are always there and those who came for the first time <3

As for me, I decided to resurrect the Goth Duchess in me (xD) with a little extra make up!

God, it's been years since the last time I wore a long skirt, I'm so not used to it anymore! (# x_x)

Today I'm staying at home (Holidaaaaay) and rest, because afterall these were some busy days and I do already feel old for such adventures xD!

I guess everything is going the right way but you know, there always something missing for me, so until I find out what it is it won't be perfect.

But when something reaches perfection, it loses all enthusiasm and becomes boring...

Oh dear...!

[エラ]

?

2010-10-24T01:26:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I just want to do things my way, without wondering if it's right or wrong.

I decide what's right and what's wrong.

I won't force myself to be perfect.

Period.

Weekly Updates!

2010-10-17T12:48:00.000+01:00

Minna san, Konnichiwaaa!

I realized I can only blog once a week, and that's scary for me, since I used to write frequently.

My days should have about 30 hours so I could do everything I used to when I had more free time. Even though I'm known by being some sort of tomboy when it comes to the house work and all, during the week I can't wait for the weekend to become a Cinderella and clean everything. From laundry to cooking, I do everything.

Work has been nice, and I was already given a name by a workmate that helps the nursings (me), so from that day on she only calls me "Exotica" due to my exotic appeareance, according to her.

Most people refer to me as exotic, when they don't know my name and mainly because of my heritage, which they are never sure of.

I always get a little embarassed, but it's not offensive at all.

Not for me!

I also use my weekends to feed my musical need, but Erina broke my microphone, so no recordings now >.
I guess that was a sign and with that she meant : I can't listen to you anymore, please stop!!!! xD

Oh well, it's sunday and that rhymes with Deadman (can't stop listening to them <3)

~Enjoy~

Stop and Stare!

2010-10-10T13:28:00.000+01:00

I'm more than used to be told I'm a freak, to be pointed as crazy, to be considered a rebel!

Such things don't really affect my life or my way to deal with it, but I can assure you that, I've never been a rebel, not in my "teenest" days.

Assuming a different appearence and/or style brings a lot of uncomfortable situations, specially in a country like Portugal, where the minds are still stuck in the past 50 years.

Approaching me on the street asking if Goths dress like me and if not what am I, taking pictures, poiting and laughing, stopping and staring, and everything your imagination can bare.

The fact is that most people get to be alternative for the wrong reasons (to be quite honest, I hate that word and all other names to describe the "non-ordinary") and think of themselves of some brave fellows because they have the balls to go out in the most horrid, flamboyant outfit.

This is something I'll never understand, how come you have to have the courage to go out in the clothes you like?

I've been told, loads and loads of times, that I was very brave to face the world in this or that outfit/piece of clothing and my reaction is just like this O_O"!

There's no other way I could live like, this is not a matter of courage, it's just who I am, and if people look at me I just have to learn to deal with it the best I can.

However, there aren't only bad reactions in this freak show that has been my life, some people are the sweetest cakes and really have no problems in giving all compliments possible.

Even though this is much more pleasant that the retarded reaction, I still feel uneasy when in such situations. I deeply appreaciate the compliments but what if we just talk without noticing each others fashion option?

I know I can't get rid of this, and I somehow accept it, because in the end of the day it is your personality and inner soul that counts, and looks become less and less important.

Still, everyday, when I go to work, I have all these smiling curious faces staring at me, dying to see how my make up looks like, and my nails, and my clothes, because for them, I might be somewhat of an animated doll.

What do I do?

I can only smile and let them rejoyce at all this unknown world I live in and help them spreading their horizons.

I'm not underestimating those who differ from me because I'm fully aware I will learn a lot with them too, but I believe it is much healthier to exchange knowledge and experiences rather than narrow minded like insults and thus enlarging both sides ignorance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now changing the subject...

Visual Jam invites all the lost souls out there to come and dance with the dead at the:

Masquerade Of The Dead: An Halloween Reverie.

@ Covil Bar.

Don't Miss It!

~Ja ne~

March Of The Seasons

2010-10-03T19:18:00.003+01:00

Portrait Details of the March of the Seasons - Celestial Cloaks of Change that caress the Earth
as it drifts through its year-long Journey around the Four Realms of the Sky.

Lo' and behold, the rain ahead of me, the sweet song of the gods announcing the season,.

Changes are coming as the days go darker and shorter, and I look outside the window, the world awaits me again.

What new mysteries will fall with leaves, what wonders will the black clouds bring into my fallen garden?

Time to reborn, undress, to let the last tears come out from the soul, and let the rain wash away our deepest fears.

And as my heart stands ready, I embrace the dark period that will come, for darkness isn't evil, but the opportunity to get into yourself and revisit all your spirit.

I welcome, with wide arms, the season as I have never seen it before, as I have never lived it before. Every new cycle has a new taste and time urges helplessly.

Grant me my inner mirror, let me go inside myself to flourish again.

Now, the season and I are only one.

パニク

2010-10-02T04:04:00.000+01:00

I really do feel happy and relieved it's already late and I'm ready to sleep!

Today was a really hard day and I can't wait to forget it all and spend some quality time in the next two days!

This morning I had the worst phobia attack EVER, and it was enough to ruin almost the whole day.

Anyway, besides the usual stress and that which was one of the worst moments in my life T_____T, I'm enjoying the new job, despite the fact of giving me some headache. Still, I accept that and I've been keeping myself as strong as I can!.

Some exciting news will be coming soon, so stay tuned!

Visual Jam is always working! <3

//( - O -)//

2010-09-26T03:36:00.002+01:00

All weekends have a special taste, but it's even sweeter when you spend all your week busy as hell and save all your favourite things for those blessed days called Saturday and Sunday!

Usually I get to see the ones who are closer to me everyday, so weekend is for those little loner pleasures like waking up and having my coffee later than the weekdays, do the housework while listening to my favourite songs, take care of my cat, and singing!

Yes I only do it when I'm home alone, when I have all the time (and room) of the world to pratice.

Don't ask me why I started to share such things so suddenly, since they've been kept "secret" until now, but I guess it helps me deal with it more naturally.

When I ever get to sing in front of people, or receive a compliment I never know what to do! I don't think of myself as a shy person, but the fact is that I feel the size of ant ant in those cases.

Critique is always welcome and , in a sense, it makes me wake up for reality. Makes me feel I'm really doing it and that I must work harder and harder as time goes by.

This is almost a kind of therapy that will allow me to do something about singing, if I have to.

The dearest things to my heart, what really builds my essence, always remain kind of secret, because that's the real privacy to me, however, I must confess it's getting frustrating to sing just for me, because I really dedicate myself a lot to do it as well as I can.

I need time and solid goals to go on with this, otherwise I'll never do it.

Come in, dear Autumn!

2010-09-25T03:12:00.000+01:00

The new season is there, so it's time to medidate and gather our new energies with the gods.

Time to undress ourselves from all past stress, sadness and grief, and get ready to the cold Winter that will come.

May the gods be with you.

~English Version!~

2010-09-18T13:20:00.044+01:00

Hello everyone!

First of all, I think that, from now on, I'll only write in English because I've noticed I have some non portuguese speaking visitors, besides, as time goes by, we all get to know foreign people and all, so it will make everything easier. And I can also pratice my english, since I left college it hasn't been THAT needed, and I expect to keep improving my language skills.

Still, I like the Portuguese language so much, that some things can't be helped (*_*)

~Google Translator is your friend~

Sooo, I've been hella busy lately with job and Visual Jam, and, honestly, I'm afraid I might become some sort of workaholic. I'm so satisfied with the way things are going that I feel I can never stop!

For the first time I feel totally complete with what I have and that's some good news for me, for I've been a naturalborn seeker for more than what I have. Any and everything I had wasn't enough and it's a true relief to get rid of that thursty feeling for something more, something I never knew what it was! It's always positive to have goals and dreams but, in my case, it was too much and that always bring suffering.

I'm in peace now, what comes with time and circumstances, will be certainly welcomed!

Oh, I've been practicing a lot of singing and trying different styles.

Versatility is always good and useful.

I still need to know what I'm going (if I am) to do with this singing thing, but sometimes I urge for something more than to do it at home, for my cat xD

~Ja~

Like a Coterie ^^

2010-09-18T02:41:00.002+01:00

Since last weekend I've been more thoughtful about everything.

I'm tremendously flattered I had the opportunity to know great people who I'll keep in my heart forever, so once again, thank you. <3

Working is not only business and it is very important to me to create some bonds with those I work with. I belive I can't do it all the time, but if I can, I will.

These things help us to develop a better, and more efficient job and I believe that dedication and passion, alongside with a professional, but kind attitude, always lead to excellence.

Day by day my goals get sharper and clearer.

I guess I'm in the right way to build up my life and I now know what I really want to do, with who I want to do.

Like a coterie* we spend a lot of time together in order to make this shine and I must confess I wouldn't know how to work otherwise, at least in this case.

Even though I require a lot of time to be alone with myself, my work and heart mates are the only ones I could ever do this with. No one is better or bigger, we are all equally precious (and needed)

I put my entire heart and soul into all the goals I try to achieve, and since I feel so good doing what I am doing right now, I know I'll work my ass off to make it become even bigger.

Visual Jam is my main priority, my main job, and a huge passion.

Thanks to everyone who believes, supports, and works for this.

Coterie : an intimate and often exclusive group of persons with an unifying common interest or purpose.

(*･∀･)／♡＼(･∀･*)

Fotos do concerto de el-Ethnic Legist-!

2010-09-17T02:52:00.004+01:00

Fica aqui o link para que possam visualizar as fotos da grande noite dos el-Ethnic Legist- e Karuniiru <3!

Fotos el-Ethnic Legist- e Karuniiru [Tribo da Luz]

Porutogaru, no. 1!

2010-09-13T03:42:00.003+01:00

Os grandes acontecimentos permanacem na memória eternamente, e para vos ser franca, não duvido que a noite de 11 de Setembro seja um desses acontecimentos.

Pela primeira, e muito ansiada, vez Portugal teve o prazer de receber uma banda Japonesa de Visual Kei. De seu nome el-Ethnic Legist-, não só fizeram história no movimento Português, assim como despoletaram a maior dedicação, amor e admiração possível em todos os fãs.

Um público caloroso, respeitador, participativo e muito emotivo, e uma banda cheia de vida, garra, e vontade de brilhar.

Todo o suor e o trabalho compensaram a partir do momento em que ouvi os gritos dos fãs e vi os sorrisos da banda, pois nunca na minha vida tinha visto uma ligação tão grande e positiva entre ambos.

Não tenho fome, e quase não tenho sono apesar do imenso trabalho, tamanha foi a emoção de todo o fim de semana.

Um muito obrigada a todos os que compareceram, espero que tenham gostado tanto quanto nós (Visual Jam Staff), obrigada aos Karuniiru, por terem mostrado um pouco do que temos por cá, obrigada ao Kiaiku pela performance fabulosa digna do maior destaque, obrigada a todos os nossos parceiros que nos ajudaram imensamente, especialmente o Sephi por ter sido sempre incansável!

Um agradecimento especial também ao Gota Mori por nos ter ajudado a concretizar este grande sonho de todos nós!

Do fundo do meu coração, quero agradecer e congratular também todo o restante staff da Visual Jam, por todo o nosso trabalho, pelas horas em branco, pelas buscas eternas de tudo e mais alguma coisa, pelos gritos de meia noite (lol), pelas horas de riso, pelas "bombas" que recebíamos todos os dias, e especialmente pelo imenso amor que temos em comum a tudo isto!

E como o melhor vem para o fim, um eterno obrigada aos el-Ethnic Legist- pelo concerto memorável, por toda a energia e paixão que mostraram no espétaculo, pela simpatia, pela humildade, pelas gargalhadas, pelas palavras em Português, e por tudo o resto com que nos maravilharam!

Next time:

Yuma: Em vez de ser a foto do Kisaki (senpaaaaiii) no meu wallpaper do telemóvel, vai ser a tua, a Maeve põe a do El e eu coloco a tua, está combinado! xD

Hige: Vais ter de me deixar provar o teu Udon, já que é tão fomoso!

Sin: Vamos beber três cafés por dia, e passar a noite de esplanada num café qualquer, como o true Português! Ah, e ofereço-te um verniz igual ao meu, a ti e ao Yuma!

El: Vais aprender a falar Português à séria. Já dizes "isqueiro" perfeitamente! xD

Citando-vos a todos:

See you again! <3